Above, a pic of the TTG gear.

PRE TTG PRODUCTION: High, out of my mind, floating on pure ethereal, painkiller bliss. Oh, opiates. Driving with a long lost band mate to get food while listening to the Tinder Box by Siouxsie. This drive inspired the song “Dilaudid”. I was sick or something. I don’t remember why or how I got the drugs. This same bandmate and I used to get so drunk, watch very silly horror movie, and joke around all the time. We would drive up into the mountains in the fog listening to Carnage Visors and Faith in an old Hyundai. For the few great times we had, so many lines were crossed and so many betrayals had happened. Yet I still look back fondly on some of those days and think of them as innocent and meaningful. I still remember the birth of Toxic Coma, in an apartment, downloading tracker songs and samples on an amiga. The sense of humor we all had. The tragedy we all had in our youths. The sadness we all had. The geeks we were. The potential we all had. The purity we all once had. Working on TTG was so hard: the drug haze and the final nails in many friendships. I remember knowing about half way through TTG that I would never again be friends with certain band mates, that rock in my gut. The band mate I am referring to would just randomly stop showing up. Found out later he found jesus and was embarrassed to have even been a apart of the VAC history. This broke my heart. Some sad days. VAC was never the same after TTG. I remember having to get really drunk to finish the vocals on TTG, knowing that it was the end of all the old vac members. The creation of that lp was like making funeral music for our own project. I started making TTG before the first European tour, finishing it when I got back, just before I went on the us tour. So many depressing things. Tours were failures, no money, break ups on every front of my life. In the TTG liner notes I blamed Mdma for my sadness. It didn’t help, but honestly, it was losing my gf at the time, a great band mate, an old friend to a bullshit religion, and others I worked with as well that led me down that path of sorrow. In every song on TTG I hear all the catastrophic events that transpired. It is why I cannot bare to listen to that LP at all on a personal level. It was the death nail for the old VAC. I remember struggling with my broken micromoog, getting the supernova and hating its wimpy sound, using the dm pro to make wicked drum fills on TTG, Being so wasted on drugs and alcohol. Some of the worst days of my life.

While making TTG, I worked with Paul (Paul was the door guy I met at the last minute before starting the us tour. A cool guy who jumped on fast to help out and did a good job. We only worked on 2 lps together: TTG, and Hex Angel) on a track, Lysergia. We wanted to make a single for this, but only ended up making Dial8. I also worked with a friend of my x-gf who did guest vocals on Dilaudid. her name was Abby. Some of the songs from TTG ended up being used in the sound track of this really bad film called Gypsy 83, a movie about a girl, who is obsessed with Stevie Nicks and thinks Stevie Nicks is goth(LOL), and her gay friend. I never talked about it because I was embarrassed that this was the movie where I get on the sound track, and its… um… this lame. Even though I was part of it, I didn’t want to promote something I didn’t like. My problem with the movie was not the gay stuff. I’m very pro gay. It was the whole Stevie Nicks thing and how wrong and lame it was about the scene I was in at the time. It felt like a slap in the face to us scene people back then. Metropolis releases the sound track as well.


Paully helped me write the lyrics on Dilaudid. Paully also sang and wrote lyrics on Lysergia. Click here to check out Paul’s Facebook. Paul is a poet. He travels the world performing in poetry slams. Check him out man. To this day I regret letting my old friend Rafi, who is now is doing tons of video interviews for Vampire Freaks. Yes, the bald jew :) do the rants you hear at the end of some of the songs. If I could go back in time I would delete those stupid rants. They irritated the fuck out of me and everyone I know who bought TTG. LOL. At least you get a free hidden lp on TTG tho.

Above picture, Din 5, Haujobb, VAC, merch and sound guy and tour manager
The TTG tour in the usa. Many memories. I was a depressed wreck, made a fool out of myself, and drank myself into oblivion. I can’t believe that the people on tour with me put up with my bullshit honestly. I remember Daniel from Haujobb borrowing my pintech drum pad heads and destroying them from banging on them so hard. Then we didn’t get to use them for the 2nd half of the tour. I remember doing blood rituals, cutting myself and drawing symbols with my blood and spitting on it, back stage in LA while so drunk on tequila. I was angry because these stupid, LA scene fucks invited themselves back stage while I was trying to meditate my stage fright away. I couldn’t focus because of them so I freaked out and started doing banishing rituals. Sure enough, they left. LOL. This was the show when Brian our merch guy from metropolis dressed up like a goat, went on stage, and molested me in front of the LA crowd. So embarrassing. It was filmed, too. I freaked out after the show. Before the show, this guy wanted to film the first 3 songs. I reluctantly gave him permission, but he ended up filming the whole show and even got the goat scene. I freaked out so bad afterwards. Got violent and wrecked the back stage. I chased the guy down, pulled a kgb moscow stunt, and forced him to give me the film. Then, I lit it on fire on the ground in front of him. Jesus, what an asshole I was that night. I was freaking out because my x-gf told me she was pregnant with my kid (which was a lie, but I didn’t know that until after the tour). So much drama: my band broke up weeks before the tour, and I had to find replacements (Paully). It was such a disaster in my mind, the whole tour. Then, the tour did not make money. It put us in the hole. I remember how the tour started. I burned the fuck out of my arms and had to wear all these bandages because of it. The first night after the show, I go back into the tour bus, into the back room, and my tour manager is tied from the ceiling and some dominatrix is electrocuting him with a stun gun. My jaw hit the floor. The debauchery that followed on the entire tour from some of the people on the bus (I wont name names) really annoyed me. I hate groupies, and I hated being made fun of by groupies with bat tattoos on their cleavage. To this day it is why I hate bat tattoos. There were these girls on the tour bus snorting coke, doing heroin or some shit, and making out. They hated me. Made fun of me. Ruined my ego pretty bad. Set me up for all the other bullshit I dealt with on that horrid tour that put an end to all my future touring plans. This tour ruined me, and is the reason I have not toured since. Hexfix93.

Added: Don’t get me wrong. There were some good things about the tour, some great times and great memories. I met some really cool people along the way. It was just all the personal things in my life and the financial aspect of everything that ruined it for me.

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I am now adding new articles weekly on the media blog, Reviews, and shining the spotlight on things I like. VAC writes all of these reviews and articles..
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